Monday, November 23, 2009

So Many Tears So Many Fears

So many tears so many fears.
My life has been in a downward spiral for sometime.

I feel nothing, as i once did. Tragedy has happen. Full of such regret and madness
The tears keep filling up.
Im sorry for the decisions I have made.
Im sorry that you are so incapable to showing love
if you could only see what I see when you see me!
Moving on is not an option. Im stuck between the living and the dead.
Mean and hateful thoughts fill my mind thoughts of hot water and blood.
I feel meaningless i feel that my place in this world is nowhere.
The events of these past few weeks have showen me in all words are not perfect and never will be. For you to say you are uncapable to love or feel passion with just one is a crock.

I feel I will be mentally damaged forever or for push and push Your love and willfullness to care is the fear overcomes you with words you couldnt possibly mean. But you spill them out as always I dont think you intentionally mean to plaster me to a billboard and throw darts it just happens.
I will never care for another like you care for I and I care for you.Impossible.
I lay awake everynight spilling tears onto my pillow case for you .And for that i live on for just one more day.
Caring and loving is a feeling and i know you feel that each and everytime you look into deep dark blue eyes and she smiles back at you with the willingness to share her deepest and darkest secrets about the past the present and maybe the future.
Sometimes the word I care isn't enough for some in hard times like these. The feeling
of someone close holding you like a blanket would is what someone really needs.

Life is not some game for you to play whenever and wherever you desire. It is real so be real show..break through that brick wall and feel and love, for you know deep down you will enjoy that feeling without being scared and confused with the emotions that spill about.

One can only deny there feelings for so long before the wall is broken see this but are to afraid to walk into the light of joyfullness and passion with her.
Pushing and pushing will do no good under these trails and tribulations that we or she walked into. she loves you in ways she could not possibly discribe as a friend and a loves once. She maynot be the brightest of the stars or the smartest of the people, but she is her own and for that you are unwilling to see how truley special and one you are with her.
She's disappointed in her actions towards herself and the others. Sooner or later you may show your back and walk away as all the rest in her life do. A blanket you are no longer as you have pushed her off the edge.
Her life is like a branch half broken just waiting for the next big gust of wind to break her off and lay for maybe all of enternity. She may move on or someone may pick her up and move her but generally speaking we all know she will lay there forever or eternity.
Bring back the emotion and the caring the one she knows and loves, bring back the man who she once thought was so solid and yearned for that one.

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